been thinking alot today. about you and me and our delicate situation.. Not something either of us ever thought we’d go thru. But i can’t imagine not having you in my life. You havee become such a big part of it. one i don’t think i could give up.

I missed you today. But you ran through my mind all day. All the what ifs and I wants and we deserve. I never thought I could be so torn.

I love hearing your voice. Your words play over in my head for hours. It draws me closer to you which is where I so long to be. You calm me on my stressful days and always make me smile. I long for the day I can see your face again and snuggle close for hours. No more complications just us. It’s strange to feel so close to you when you are so far away.

You have been on my dreams
The last few days. Remembering the days we spent ttogether and how it felt to have you close. So much I wanted to say but I was afraid to ruin our time
Together. Now all I can do is send songs that say what I can’t and hope you will understand. does your body ache like mine. Does you heart skip a beat when you think of me? Are you ready to work through the complications? I am ready for you. And I need you in my
Life. For once the walls are
Down where you lead I will follow. You have my
Trust and my heart don’t break it

Alone again. Feeling bad again. Doing dumb things again. No mail from u again. All confused again. Need to let go again. U hurt me again. I’ve screwed up again. Taken things too far again. Obsessed again. When will I say never again. Why do I need u again. Will you come back??? Again. Or will I cry again.

Never thought I’d be here. Never thought I’d be going thru this. Never thought I’d feel so alone. Never thought I would love u again. Never thought I would be without you for this long. Never thought I would still ache for your touch. Never thought I could want you more. Never thought u would turn my world upside down. Never thought I would hurt. Never thought I would want to walk away from everything to be with u. I guess I never thought. Never going to stop waiting Never going to forget. Never going to regret. Never want to be without u

Waiting for u to call. Waiting for you to reach out. Waiting to clear my head of doubts. Waiting for you to say u want me. Waiting to share my life with u. Waiting for you to realize u can’t live with out me. Waiting to be in your arms again. Waiting to to relax and find safety with u. Waiting till I will have to wait no more What are you waiting for. I’m here and always will be

I am so mad. One my teenager needs to grow up and start doing her school work so she might graduate sometime in my life and two her father needs to stop coddling her. She knows how to play him and he lets her do whatever she wants regardless of what I say. Well fine You two go and take care of that alone. I’m done.

Third I have not heard a word since Saturday. Really is it that hard together on email and at least say hi. Fourth I am mad at myself for not saying what needed and what needs now to be said to anyone. I have kept it all in wanting to find the right words and all it has gotten me is sleepless night and a headache. Things will get better I know but today has tried my soul and I am ( big shocker) getting impatient. I know there are complications that must be dealt with and it is a delicate situation. All I want is just one word. A simple hi would soothe me now. So I’ll wait. And remember to breathe

I am waiting.  Waiting for an answer to my prayers and answers to the questions that plaque my mind.  Waiting to the voice of the one I long for.  I must have patience , and I  pray for it to come.  I have never been good at waiting.  I believe  this is a test I must pass.  There are road blocks in the way that have to be carefully maneuvered.  But I will make it thru to the end.  I will open my heart and mind to bringing forth my dreams and making them a reality.  Fate has brought this back to me and I must honor it and do what is necessary to keep it in my life.  I may not have another chance. 

Today I am lost and confused about what is going on in my life. I promise myself I will not call but I can’t seen to not Everything brings back fond memories and brings to mind things I would like to share with you. I daydream of your lips and the feel of your lightest touch. You and your memory are my guilty pleasure and my favorite escape that I go to often. Oh how I can not wait to hear your voice again